You would think that for a girl who goes on a ton of dates, love is an even bigger possibility. This is not the case for me, and it’s more common for me to go on a date with a guy who has clear issues than not. I went on my first GOOD date in months a couple nights ago, and I have been over the moon about it ever since. ONE GOOD DATE. IN MONTHS. Anyway, one thing that happens often is that the guy ends up lying to me about something. But it’s not a small white lie like, “Oh I only lied to you about that phone call because it was actually the restaurant confirming our amazingly beautiful date where I rented out the whole place and the floor would be covered in angel dust and rose petals.” It’s more like, “Oh I know I might have said that I have never been married, but I actually have and I’m divorced. And I have two sons who I pay child support for.”

By the way, that shit actually happened. But this is ANOTHER guy who lied about being divorced.

I had gone on a few dates with this guy who had the whole package: he was tall, he had a great job that he loved, he didn’t have mommy issues, and he was surrounded with family and friends who he had seemingly great relationships with. He seemed transparent with me, and by the third date, we were strolling over a romantically lit bridge with our fingers tangled together. It had been nearly a month since our first date, and I was ready to move forward.

Now, I had decided to do a little experiment and told myself that I would not Google-stalk this guy. No matter how tempting, I would keep from typing in his name and scrolling through page after page of little fragments of his life (if he actually had that much of an interesting life). I remember I was trying to fall asleep after that third date, but I simply couldn’t. My heart was heavy and there was this deep feeling in my gut that made me super uncomfortable (and this time, it was NOT gas).

I sat up and grabbed my phone. Without pause, I Googled him. The first couple pages were normal; the usual social media pages, his company’s bio page, his name on his alma mater’s Dean’s List page. Real basic shit that made him seem like a saint. Then I saw it. A photographer’s website featuring my date and his WIFE. Mouth agape, I flipped through all the photos and their smiling faces became a blur when I saw that there was a link to their actual wedding day, which the same photographer shot. Now the burning question remained as I squinted out the window to see the sun rising. Was this motherfucker married?

I decided to wait until a humane hour to text him. But before I did, I scanned through our old texts and his profile. He had made it very clear that he had never been married, and he was single. We had even joked about wedding rings before, and I said that diamond rings were outlandish and boring, and I wouldn’t mind a tattoo around my finger. He responded that he didn’t get why people bought those rings either, and if he ever got engaged, he would consider the tattoo idea too.

I collected my thoughts, then finally texted him.

“Hey there. Can you talk real quick?”

He said yes and I called him. I asked him casually, “You don’t have a twin, do you?” He laughed and said no, then asked why I was asking. I told him calmly what I had found and just needed him to tell me if he was lying to me this whole time. There was a deafening silence after I was done, and he quietly stammered, “I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry.”

Then the confession came flooding out like a tidal wave of vomit. He was STILL married, but separated. They had decided to separate a MONTH before he first messaged me. He didn’t love her, it was over a long time ago, blah blah blah. I interrupted him severely and asked him why he had to lie to me though.

“I don’t know. I like you a lot and it just seemed like the right thing to do.”

I said goodbye to him right then and there, and later came to this realization: If a guy likes me, that is a wonderful thing. But in liking me, if I am any part of the reason why he turns into a liar and a coward, there is something horribly wrong and he needs to stay the hell away from me. I can only hope that I’ll bring out the best in my partner, and he’ll trust me enough to even confess his very worst.